The Leap

Where’s your Can Can?

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 10:06:31 -0700

It’s understandable in lots of situations we find ourselves wallowing or flailing about in the land of “can’t can’t,” or “I could if only...” It’s a land of whim and sandy foundations that wash away with the tides of life’s refusal to operate on our own terms.

I found myself wandering in this wasteland on more than a few occasions this week. My trigger lately is the irrational, erratic, insane and (in my opinion) unnecessarily arbitrary schedule of medical interns, namely the schedule of the one I love, who is randomly absent from my bed and our kids’ bedtimes on the road to becoming one of those mythical white-coated creatures.

In addition to the innate oddness of the call schedule, our two-year-old has figured out when her Daddy is on call and on each and every night, she wakes up wiggly and fusssy, at least as many times her Daddy’s beeper goes off, giving new meaning to 24 hour call -- for Mommy.

In order to find myself out of the land of “Can’t Can’t,” I first had to totally shift my way of interacting with WHAT IS. I wasted enough energy to light up every Portland suburb out to Vancouver, WA wishing smart doctors could’ve invented a smarter, healthier approach to training young physicians. The old serenity prayer smiled down at me empathetically, yet almost sardonically, watching me writhe in a futile struggle against a system I not currently in a position to change. Oh in five or ten years, you bet I’ll see if I collaborate with others to improve medical training for young docs and their families. Until then, I decided to stop wasting time and find out what it would take to cross over into the fine, booty-shaking, Life-ful land of CAN CAN.

First off I had to use both my hands. In one hand, I learned to hold the honest, gut-wrenching feelings I have about internship. It’s no use trying to shove them under to couch -- they’ll only rot into the rug. Feelings like to be understood and soothed, the way one strokes a child’s head or pet’s a cat. It helps them calm down, which creates space for fresh feelings that are, perhaps lighters, freer, with more space to move about and get something accomplished with ease and a sense of happiness.

Second, it my other hand, I learned to simultaneously hold the incredible power of choice. A coach of mine, Patt Osborne once said, “You at choice more often than you think.” In The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer makes a case of unconditional happiness being the ultimate choice and the ultimate path, because once you decide to be happy, unconditionally, every single thing that interferes with that commitment has got to go sooner or later until you’re light as a bird and free to fly on wings of limitless joy. So, I asked myself, “Jemila, ‘Do you want to be happy? Or do you only want to be happy if your husband doesn’t have the schedule of an intern?”

Who wants to suffer? Oh maybe we are tempted by the pity fairies who invite us to cuddle in our own vomit -- while blaming someone else for making us sick. If we can find even the tiniest bit of imagination and courage, in the long haul, it’s far more uplifting to look clearly at the situation we face, and at ourselves and say, “What would have to change in my approach, in my thinking, in my way of relating to this -- whatever THIS, is -- in order for me to be happy, unconditionally?

I thought truthfully about it and discovered that letting go of my totally unproven, self-inflicted assumptions about what I “need” is actually incredibly liberating. Imagine this: Totally free of expectation, open to life. Unexpected connections, opportunities and Life to the Fullest. Completely free, flexible and understanding.

I came to the conclusion that whether or not I sleep, I can simply respond to the present situation, doing the next thing with compassion and openness. Fatigue or Feather-light Uplift, LIFE breathes in and out with me, on my side, whatever happens. What happens in life is simply what happens, nothing more, nothing less. The whole adventure is offered to me, this incredible opportunity, 100% for the living.

I don’t have to control Life. Instead I FLOW with life. I can let my body move to the music of Life, whatever song is playing. Even if the notes are off key, what a privilege to get to dance this life in the first place. Whatever the notes, I can dance, sway, cry, comfort, love and live fully. I can say “Hi” to someone who looks lonely. I can try something new in my work. I can shake my booty to the Mr. Elephant Song with my kids. I CAN CAN.

SO CAN YOU!

The Power of Becoming an Expert

Mon, 4 May 2009 08:21:27 -0700

Offering an arena of expertise isn’t just a confidence boost for you -- it opens up a world of possibilities for collaborating with others to create something bigger than any single person or even pair of people could imagine!

What’s your area of expertise?

If you think you haven’t found it yet, what’s something you’d like to be great at -- something you could use to build something fantastic with others?

What steps would you have to take to develop that skill set or pool of understanding?

If you’re an expert currently, what ways are you connecting with others on projects you could never dream of accomplishing singlehandedly?

This week, imagine what’s possible when you use your strengths to create something bigger with others -- the take at least the first step toward getting there.

Of course, remember to congratulate yourself for taking that first step!

Utilizing Fear To Discover Freedom: Life Lessons From Swine Flu

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 17:32:57 -0700

On a normal day, we typically fear things like what others think. Unconsciously, we avoid living our fullest lives in order to avoid:

feeling incompetent
getting rejected or ignored
failing
embarrassing ourselves or others
having to live the truth

I read once that the former Olympic gold medalist Scott Hamilton said, following an experience with testicular cancer that he wished everyone a near death experience because of how it changed the way he lived. People who have near-death experiences often report feeling free and a confidence in whatever it is that happens to us after this life is finished.

For those of us who haven’t had such insights from the other side, times like these, when everything from nuclear proliferation and economic chaos to pig viruses on the loose can either create terror or freedom, depending on what we do with our fear. What will you do with your fear?

What have you feared up til now that isn’t worthy of your fear today, tomorrow, or ever, if you truly think about it?

What perspective will you shift?

The fact is, opening up to the truth that life itself is uncertain can offer us the opportunity to use fear to focus us on what is important and to act, love and live fully from this clarity. Taking care of ourselves and others, using healthy precautions are important. What else is important? Who is important?

When this latest crisis clears, if you are still here, what will you do with the time you have?

If you were free of fear of everything, knowing that life can easily end, even as your spirit is free to live fully, what thing is it you sense you came to this earth to do?

It’s up to us utilize our fear to create the life that is ultimately most important to us. And when we live free of regret, what is there to fear? There is only love.

Let Go Of Know

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 09:50:27 -0700

A wise coaching instructor said one day to a student, “If it’s your need to know, let it go.”

I’ve been thinking lately about my need to know. Less so in the coaching context than in the personal arena: Where will I live in a few months? What educational context will my kids get immersed in?

I feel impelled to have concrete, knowable answers as soon as earthly possible, if not sooner. On the other hand, when I ponder what it would be like to let go of my need to kno, I simply enjoy the in and out breath of each day, letting each wrapped gift of time unfold naturally, while taking active steps when it’s timely. I feel free.

What do you need to know? What if it turned out you could only free only if you let go of your need to know? What if it turned out you didn’t even need know? The wrong memo got sent out saying that you have to know and define everything in order to function?

What if letting go of know was equivalent to saying YES to Life, with its infinite lake of uncertainty? Let’s say the fountain of possibility, which gives you the ability to act, create, surrender and offer up the fullest expression of WHO YOU ARE, springs forth from the deep, open waters of open potential. You see the waters of crystal-clear uncertainty spout freely forth, look you in the eye and invite you to tango to a flowing tune, unknowing, free and full of life-ful harmonies. Will you say YES?

What will you un-know for the sake of living free?

What's It To Flush

Wed, 8 Apr 2009 09:32:16 -0700

When you are little and poop happens, it sort of happens to you and you’re stuck sitting in it until someone is kind enough to change you, wipe you and set you free to get back to important things like unraveling the toilet paper roll like crate paper or coloring the walls with blue and yellow crayons.

It can get pretty uncomfortable sitting in your own poop if someone doesn’t clue into your situation right away, although some of us feel more upset than others over being stuck in crappy circumstances outside our control.

When you get to be about the age of the young lady depicted above, you learn that while poop is a part of life, it’s within your control to determine where to put it and its easy to flush it away, happily pull up your pants or tights and hop along your way in your own time.

Sometimes, like my son the other day, you forget to get to the toilet in time and you let your poop out somewhere inappropriate, like the living room floor. Here’s what my smart son did: He selected a wipe, scooped up the poop, carried i carefully to the toilet and flushed it -- then he came to get me to tell me what happened and included me in his process of cleaning it up. I was glad the poop found its way to the toilet, if indirectly and I was proud of how took ownership for the situation AND informed me of what was up.

What’s your relationship with the crap that is a natural part of life? What do you do with it? Where do you put it? If it’s already occurred, what are you waiting for to clean it up and flush it?

Exciting opportunities await to you when you press the lever, pull up your pants and get back to LIFE!